Now, where did I leave that?

Tuesday, January 1, 2013

Here We Go Again!

Dear 2012,
  I have to be honest with were in many ways a lousy year. You let my younger son move to Boston 'temporarily', but yesterday as we drove through the Bard College grounds and Red Hook, tears gathered in my eyes as I faced the reality he'll probably never live in the Hudson Valley again. Look, I get that Boston is good for him--young, vibrant, politically-minded soul that he is. He's made lots of friends, has a great job, and is out in the world doing and being. But I miss him. 
  You brought deep sadness to my older son, and I can't ever forgive you the pain you caused him, 2012. You should be ashamed of yourself hurting someone so fine and decent. He's struggling--and succeeding-- as hard as he can despite what you've hurled at him, and I'm so deeply proud of who he is, but you were needlessly cruel and for that alone I would hurt you like you've hurt him, if only I could, you heartless monster.
  You let me doubt myself and be a harsher self-critic than I've ever been. You taunted me with dreams of learning to spin well enough to produce a sweater for Linda by year's end. Ha! Not only did that not happen, I barely managed to pull off knitting a pair of basic socks. I was the remedial spinner who finally stopped going to class because I couldn't bear the thought of holding back the others and failing so publicly. Don't you think once in a while something could come easily? It would have killed you to let my love of wool translate into competence working with it?
  You threw up so many time-consuming obstacles, too many bills, and took our sweet Mots from us. Okay, she was a 15 year old cat, but she could have been with us longer. A year after you started I'm about to go back to the same job tomorrow. While I'm grateful to have a decent job with health benefits when so many don't, I thought you understood I expected you to produce a job I can feel good about, where the work is good for me and others. That's not much to ask, 2012. You killed our car, the one we're still making payments on, that we now call the paperweight. 
  Okay, honesty requires saying you had your good moments. We lost Mots, but gained Pip who makes us smile every time we see her. The chicken thing is actually working this time around. I may be a mediocre knitter, but I'm pretty good with felt and am realizing more and more how much I love the almost-alchemy of felting. You prompted me to write more...a mere fraction of what I should be doing, but more than I have in decades. And you showed me that if I tried hard enough, I could change some pretty bad habits....I gave up wheat and sugar and processed food for three months. Of course, you slipped up there and let me slide back into the mire of poor choices, too. How could you have let that happen, punted me right back to square one? On the plus side, you prompted me not to abandon blogging as I'd begun to, and as a result I've 'met' some wonderful people, great bloggers, and cyberspace seems just a teeny bit less vast. I'm grateful for that.
  But while honesty makes me admit there was some good, I'm ready to move on, 2012. I don't just 'need space'; we need to part company permanently. I'm ready for you to become a distant memory while I embrace the promise of 2013. It's time, and we both know it. So for the good stuff, thanks.....I enjoyed the laughs, the sweet pleasures, the love, the discoveries. But it's time to say goodbye, so long, don't let the door hit your arse on your way out. 


Dear 2013,
  Hi! I know we've barely just met, but it's so good to see you! This may be rushing things, jumping the gun, and being a tad presumptuous, but I can just feel that this is going to be a great relationship, 2013. I know, it takes two, and I'm ready to do my part. That wheat, sugar & processed food is going to hit the highway again; how can you & I have a great time if I feel heavy, itchy, achy, sluggish? And I'm going to go upstairs after sending you this letter and get the treadmill all set up; it's going to take some energy to keep up with you! We have lots of dedicated writing time, woolly work, and gardening to share. There are rituals to do, prayers to say, harvests to plant, gather and preserve, dogs and cats to love, wool to knit and felt, books to read, walks to take, places to explore.....sorry, I'm just excited and eager to get started!
  But you've been up since midnight, and are still pretty young, so why don't you go get some rest while I make some plans for us. There's so much to think, say, write, do...I'm not into kinky stuff, but I think you, dear 2013, and my beloved, Linda and I are going to make quite the threesome. 


PS...Happy 2013, all!!! May she bless you with love and laughter, abundance and wonder.....


Nancy J said...

Ashling, your words ring true for so many of us, with different families, places and beloved dogs and cats.May 2013 be kind, bring you happiness, fun and laughter throughout. Greetings from Jean

Jen said...

I really enjoyed this--so honest! and I can relate to much of it. I hope 2013 brings goodness and joy to you and your loved ones. xo, Jen

A Quiet Corner said...

Ashling, you have done it again! Spoken like a honest, caring woman ready to face and prevail in2013!...:)JP

Michaele said...

Bless you real good this year Ashling. We are more alike than you know.

Anonymous said...

Love it!! So glad you are not leaving the blogging world - we would all miss you so. And you are not a remedial spinner - we are both just slower more methodical learners and we are learning at our own pace. While some were destined to become proficient in 2012, obviously that year was not deserving of our proficiency as 2013 will be. I just cleared a space in my room for my wheel to reintroduce myself to it and to that pile of roving I picked up this year at Rhinebeck. Lets find time to spin and chat together this year - when all those really good spinners are not looking. :)

Akannie said...

LOL--you tell 'em, girl !

Happy New Year to you and Linda...

Ashling said...

@ all of you; thank you so much for your good thoughts and wishes. Raising a glass of sparkling cider (well, okay, right now it's my coffee mug) to each of you!

Our Neck of the Woods said...

What a beautifully written post! I'm sorry last year brought so much heartache to your family, but this year will be better! I can feel it in my bones. I'm trying to cut back on wheat and sugar as well, although not giving them up completely.

PS - The photo on my blog was a guinea - you got it right!

Happy New Year and all the best to your family in 2013.

Raindrops and Daisies said...

Great post Ashling.

Wishing you and your family a happy and healthy new year.
I hope that 2013 will be a good year for all of you


AkasaWolfSong said...

Ashling Dear...such an honest, heartfelt sharing deserves many wishes for a New Year of miracles and magick in many wonderful ways.

I too hope that 2013 brings much needed change.

Blessings of the Light to You and Linda and your Beautiful Family!!!

Doc Teri said...

Thanks Ashling! I felt like I could have written this post. (Well, not really, I couldn't be nearly so eloguent, but still). Let's all give 2012 a nice kick out the door and welcome the new year with hope!

In My Wild Eden said...

I can so relate to the bitter sweetness of your son going. One of mine is gone most of the time also and it is hard. I really enjoyed your post. I hope 2013 is a wonderful year for you and all the people and animals that you love.

Brian Kelly said...

A great post.

Linda said...

My Baby Girl lives in Boston too...and she loves it..I don;t see her as much as I like but she is basically happy & that is important to me..but I miss her terribly & that is ok too..the cycle of life...You are such a great writer...I just love your honesty...It has helped me immensely...There should be more people like you in the world...It will be a great of good changes...Happy New Year my friend to you Linda & your family...