Wishing all who celebrate today a most blessed Beltaine. Interestingly, there's a blogger I follow who says that according to 'archeoastronomy' Beltaine isn't until May 4th. Not at all familiar with that calendar, but am intrigued. I believe Samhain falls differently as well on that calendar.
I think one of my greatest sources of self-induced frustration is that I've gotten far too lazy about celebrating the points on the Wheel. There was a time I wouldn't have worked today; I'd have spent it in day-long ritual and celebration. When did the rest of my life overwhelm my spiritual practice, and why is it seemingly impossible to reclaim my spiritual life? Back in 2006, the Goddess & I had a real falling out. I felt she'd called me to a specific path and I'd served with joy and passion, but...well...it turned pretty ugly. Service became abuse, trust was shattered; I felt hurt and betrayed by the Goddess who'd led me there, and when I walked away from that path, I turned my back on Her, too.
Fast forward, and we've reconciled. There's a purpose for all things, even if we don't always discover it. One day She pointed out that I was the one who left; She had never turned Her back on me. We're on speaking terms again, and I truly believe She led me to the woolly life that has been salvation and balm to my soul (even if I'm not very good at it). I remember to give thanks pretty frequently, often falling asleep in the midst of a gratitude litany, but I let the Wheel turn and turn without more than a nod to the holy days. Oddly enough, Beltaine was my favorite day of the year when I was as young as 9 or 10...before anyone ever whispered the word 'goddess' to me, and it's so often been a day of revelling in joy and beauty. But last night and this morning it's just a murmuring in the background. How do I get it back? How do I again mark my year by the glorious spokes of the Wheel? How do I lose the faltering self-consciousness that hangs over my sad ritual attempts these days?
On an absolutely unrelated (except in my head) note: today workshop registration opens for the NYS Sheep and Wool Festival in October! I've just registered for "Nuno Felted Scarf with Swarovski Crystal Embellishment". I haven't done nuno felting yet, and while I don't necessarily see Swarovski crystals in my future, I do want to explore the use of beads in felting. I'm also sorely tempted to do the all day class in Natural Dyeing, but not committing just yet. The workshops are so well done, and the festival's organization is smooth and welcoming. If you're interested, check out the 2012 schedule!
Wishing you all the joy and beauty of creation and promise today...